It’s that time of year Texas fans. When you migrate in masses to Dallas ready to indulge in a wide variety of fried foods and a massive amount of alcohol, and in some cases both at the same time – fried beer anyone?
However, much to the chagrin of the Austin faithful, there is still a game to be played against a talented Oklahoma unit. The game starts at 11, so it could be a rough wake-up call, but is there a better way to shake off the early morning rust than to create a thrilling drinking game?
Nope, didn’t think so.
Now, in honor of Texas’ 2009 win – the last time the Longhorns defeated the Sooners – here are nine things to drink for during the Red River Rivalry.
1. Any mention of Swoopes
The freshman quarterback has played exactly zero college snaps, but with Texas’ early struggles the buzz is growing for Tyrone Swoopes to play. If Oklahoma begins to pull away expect the cameras to follow Swoopes’ every move. Watch out for when he jumps on the elliptical bike, a sure sign of nothing to come.
2. Any Texas missed tackle
Gulp, or should I say sip. Take it slow Texas fans, this one could be a doozy. The Longhorns defense misses more tackles than that annoying fan next to you texting the entire game. Against an explosive Oklahoma attack, featuring a dynamic running quarterback, this number could quickly escalate into double digits — by the end of the first quarter.
3. Pictures of fried food
If there is anything the ABC and ESPN camera crews love more than football, it’s showing five-second screen shots of food, making the Cotton Bowl a sort of Mecca for them. From deep-fried bacon to ice cream, it’s all there. Expect the cameras to take you into the heart of the kitchen on every commercial break.
4. Mention of past blowouts
This one shouldn’t be hard. Longhorns fans need to drink after seeing highlights from the past two Red River Rivalry massacres. Combined score of 118-38, ouch, drink away, drink away Texas faithful.
5. Any Case McCoy floater
Everyone’s favorite backup quarterback, Case McCoy receives the start in place of injured David Ash. You can’t always count on consistent play from McCoy, but one thing that is always there is his propensity for tossing a lame duck deep ball. Drink every time this happens. Bonus: Every time you scream “Case, don’t!” take another gulp.
6. Mike Davis drops
Last week Mike Davis took some heat off his drop issues with a cheap-shot block heard round the world. But the talented, concentration-challenged senior should be back to normal on Saturday. Every time drops a pass, drop a shot.
7. Happy cheerleaders
You know what’s annoying? Seeing happy cheerleaders flashing the “Hook ‘Em” sign when Texas is down three touchdowns. Every time ABC pans to the cheer squad, knock one of those beers down.
8. The Belldozer
The Longhorns have surrendered 523 yards and five touchdowns to opposing quarterbacks thus far in 2013, and that’s just on the ground. Blake Bell is 6-foot-6, 252 pounds, an absolute load on the line of scrimmage. Plus, he has one of the best nicknames in the sport. Every time the Belldozer is mentioned drink, it’s probably bad news anyway.
9. Mack’s four stages of grief
Denial, pain, anger, depression. Normally, there are three additional stages about recovery, but for Brown against Oklahoma, they’re not likely to happen. Instead, take a shot every time you watch Brown enter one of these stages, you’ll need the alcohol anyway. Who knows, by the end of the game Mack might be drinking with you.