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The Slacker Manifesto

By Aboubacar N'Diaye

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Published: Monday, October 1, 2007

Updated: Friday, January 9, 2009

The whole of history hitherto has been the history of the struggle between those who do and those who do later. The struggle between the busy and the idle, the industrious and the loafer, the workhorse and the sloth, has continued uninterrupted for all centuries past.

The Doers arose from the ashes of the hereditary system to construct this new meritocracy. It is in their world that we now live. This era of supranational organizations, of globalization, of trade agreements, is a direct result of their effort. This is the epoch of the Doers. They have appropriated for themselves the morality and values of the world to fit their model. Man is made to work from dawn to dawn in order to keep pace with the demands of his placating consumption. Man has been turned into a cog of the global economic machine. His function is no more to live in search of love and meaning, but instead, in constant want of material.

This gradual dehumanization of man comes from Doers' total control of the meaning of achievement. Qualities such as work ethic, diligence and networking are the realms of their dominion. Remember, it is they who divided time into rigid units to further regulate the people's lives. It is they who write the "history," which is nothing more than a litany of their achievements. It is they who begin wars but are too busy managing them to fight them. They drain the earth of herself and thank her with polluting disdain. They mean to hold sway over this blue marble, but a reckoning is at hand.

Look around yourself and you will recognize them. They enroll in college as juniors. They begin sentences with "Well, after meeting with [important / famous person]..." They demand a full explanation of the genesis of the state of Israel two minutes before the end of class. They crowd the tables and workstations of libraries, taking only brief respites to attend class. They master the principles of time management with an array of agendas, calendars and PDAs. They end the semester with enough notes to write definitive books on the subjects. They run Student Government (actually, scratch that one). They manage to graduate early with four majors in three different colleges. They will run the companies you will work for, the government you will pay for, and the schools your children will attend - unless something is done.

While the Doers straddle the conveyer belt, the Slackers concern themselves with pursuits of a higher nature. Slackers know that the world does not revolve to the tick of a clock. Slackers do not worry themselves with trifles because they know their priorities. They understand that the world will not end with a failed test; neither will the sun implode because they fail to keep up with the latest fad. Slackers believe that life is a trip which is to be enjoyed for its journey and not its destination. Slackers believe in taking the scenic route as opposed to participating in a race of rodents. In short, the Slackers stop for beauty and linger in love.

Though the nature of Slackers is passive, none can endure domination forever. They must combat the forces of Doers who are equipped with an arsenal of deadlines, performance expectations and advertisements. Slackers must overthrow the Doers by any means necessary. The day has come for the great idle masses of the world to rise up and cast off the chains of the machine. They have nothing but time to lose and a world to gain. Slackers of the world … I'm tired … I think I'll finish this later. The revolution can wait.

N'Diaye is a government sophomore.

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