During a lazy morning in the middle of my lazy winter break, I lazily woke up to partake in my all-time favorite lazy weekday activity: watching "The Price is Right." I turned on the TV to discover that something wasn't quite right with my favorite game show. Yes, the advertisements for diabetes testing supplies remained, but to my dismay, the man who had once beat the crap out of Happy Gilmore did not. In my groggy state, I had forgotten that Drew Carey had replaced retired Bob Barker as the host of the show. I watched as Carey's jokes fell flatter than a Jay Leno monologue, and I came to a depressing conclusion - 2007 was the year that my childhood came to an end once and for all.
I suppose the process began when J.K. Rowling released the final Harry Potter book in July. I grew up alongside the characters in the series, and upon finishing the last book I couldn't help but ask myself: "What the hell am I supposed to do with my life now?" Admittedly, I'm still bitter that I never received a letter from Dumbledore inviting me to Hogwarts when I turned 11. The series introduced me to literature at a young age and I'm going to miss the late nights I stayed up reading every time a new book was released. Now, all I have to look forward to is watching Daniel Radcliffe push 40 before the final movie is released.
Many of the athletes I grew up idolizing fell from grace in 2007. Michael Vick went from being the face of America's most popular sport to PETA's public enemy No. 1, rendering millions of his replica football jerseys useless in the process.
As a result of the release of the Mitchell Report last year, which investigated the use of performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball, Barry Bonds and UT's very own Roger Clemens will more than likely be remembered by future generations for their involvement with steroids rather than for their remarkable accomplishments on the playing field. It seems the days when professional sports were noble are as distant as the days when I used to watch Doug Funnie and Pati Mayonaisse on Nickelodeon, which is yet another sobering reminder that my childhood has vanished.
College is a time when one is supposed to transition into adulthood, but the more I transition, the more I long for the past. Britney Spears was once a prominent sex symbol and now, as a result of "2007 syndrome," she's a crazy, bald, deadbeat parent. Yes, Britney Spears has become Homer Simpson, and to my disgust, after watching "The Simpsons Movie" in July, Homer Simpson is no longer funny.
Brian Aldiss, a British author, once wrote: "When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell." As I sat in my living room watching the faux "Price is Right," it was with a heavy heart that I began to accept my role as a corpse and truly prepare for my journey into hell.
As I contemplated my depressing future, a notion struck me. I rushed to my computer in a moment of panic to check the U.S. Department of Treasury Web site. I breathed a long sigh of relief when I discovered that the federal deficit had increased.
Some things never change.
Treadway is a radio-television-film sophomore.
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