We hate to admit it, but sometimes The Daily Texan's editorial board talks about things besides tuition reform, textbook prices and the lack of bike parking on campus. The other day we found ourselves wondering about marriage. Are we supposed to be working on tying the old knot? Should we be looking for spouses between classes?
Our generation is making some changes to the way things work in the world in subtle and defiant ways. We do what we want to do, when we want to do it. But when it comes to our feelings on marriage, the verdict is still out. Some of us embrace the traditional notion of it all; others live in skepticism of the institution. And yet, we still ask - how can we logically respond to a process that often defies logic?
So, the editorial board decided to weigh in, one by one, with our thoughts on the rite of passage.
Just the other night my sister told me she had a "funny" story to tell me. Earlier she had been talking to our grandma about how I decided to forgo my double major to concentrate solely on journalism. It was bad enough that Grandma felt the need to ask about the "intentions" I have with my boyfriend, but it only got worse when she speculated that I'd chosen to take a lesser degree because I was in a hurry to graduate and get married.
Oh, Grandma - you've outdone yourself yet again.
My grandmother is of a different generation of women, one in which the average marrying age was 19. I'm in no hurry to get married. But the idea of it got me thinking about modern marriage trends among those I know. I grew up in a religious environment where young couples were the norm, and most of my peers went to the same private Christian university. Now it seems as though every other week I'm hearing about one of those former friends who's gotten engaged or just had a baby.
It often seems like marriage has become yet another hurdle in the race against peer pressure. No one wants to be "the single friend" in a sea of "marrieds," and everyone tends to get scared around graduation when he or she realizes it will soon be every man for himself. It's those fears that push too many people into lifelong commitments before they're ready.
- Audrey Campbell
I have been subject to a lot of advice and concern from relatives and friends alike about my recent decision to forever end my bachelorhood and propose to Denae, my girlfriend of two years.
Many have asked me if I am ready to "sacrifice" some of my desires and interests for this new responsibility. Some of my close friends, while not necessarily trying to talk me out of this commitment, bring this up, I think, to gauge how domesticated I've become - as if my decision to marry signals that I'm ready and willing to raise 2.5 kids in some nondescript suburb.
But sacrifice entails giving up an important value for a lesser one. Marriage should be a fulfillment of values, a recognition of that person's value to you. Giving up a weekend of party-hopping can hardly be called a sacrifice, unless you value such things more than your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.
There are very few overarching truths about marriage. As many religious and social conservatives are struggling to realize, marriage, which is a strictly personal decision, does not lend itself to general or traditional (read: outdated) definitions. Good marriages are little more than good partnerships, which, in turn, firmly ties their success to the compatibility of the respective values and personalities of the two involved individuals. Everything else - including race, gender and social status - is irrelevant.
Marriage is not a threat to your career (as is commonly held by many an ambitious college student) or your previous relationships. Nor is it a sacred institution that one can dictate and define for others. It is, very simply, the acknowledgement of one's most personal values in another and the lifelong celebration of this discovery.
- Josh Haney
In high school, I was too smart for relationships and looked down on people silly enough to fall in love at such a precarious time in their lives.
But during the first semester of college, I had a change of heart. I started dating, and I've spent the last two years with someone I love.
Next year, he is headed to graduate school. A year after that, I plan to go to law school. So where does that leave the modern college relationship? For ambitious students, the post-college relationship may be as precarious as the post-high school relationship.
Even as a modern woman, I feel pressured to choose between love and family and career and success. It's a choice I shouldn't have to make. Surrounded by career-focused academics, the importance of family is often downplayed, but when you are in love, it is easy to forget the importance of your career. I've come to realize that both are equally important. Arguing cases before the Supreme Court won't be enough if I come home to an empty house. But sitting at home while a husband chases his dreams would be equally unfulfilling.
I refuse to choose one or the other. I'm holding out until I can get both. I'll work toward my career, and I'll work for my relationship. Marriage is a wonderful thing that I look forward to. But I can't sign the contract until I know it allows me to follow my dreams.
- Jillian Sheridan
To me, marriage is about as abstract an idea as using a land telephone line. The institution only crosses my mind when it's muddying the lives of others.
Of course, my indifference to my marital state suits me fine until Thanksgiving or Rosh Hashana or my 3,000-person family reunion, when my aunts, fifth cousins and great-grandfather's cats decide that badgering me about my love life is far more interesting than hearing about how hot it is in Texas. Their questions, however, are like mosquito bites, only itching for awhile until I forget about them.
My grandmother, with some sadness in her voice, recently remarked on how few of her friends had ever been divorced, but more than half of her daughter's friends (her daughter included) had experienced failed marriages.
I don't think this is anything to be blue about. A lot less used to be expected of women, and it's fair to say that there's a positive link between the increase of successful women outside of the home and the increase in divorces, which have proven to be less a disease of society and more a vehicle of liberation.
Marriage is the last thing on my mind because I have too many other more urgent and more feasible things to do - get a job (with health insurance), skydive, poach the perfect egg, buy more liquid dish soap, not to mention meet someone I'd consider bonding myself to for the rest of my life in the first place.
Marriage. I'll get to it later, like after Nov. 4.
- Leah Finnegan
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