Envy is wasted on the athletes, the musicians, the student leaders, the news writers, the good looking, the rich, the popular, the funny and the smart. I reserve all of my envy for the freshman, for they have time, and that is a prize no Student Government resolution, no touchdown and no pick-up line can hope to attain.
Daily, and at a quickening pace, I walk the well-worn paths from library to career, from dorm to matrimony, from graduation to death. Once the end is in sight, it is hard to focus on anything else.
Below I present some things I have learned here in my last three years as a guide for all of the students just starting their first year at this wonderful place:
Ripping up a parking ticket doesn't make it go away.
Ice cream is a panacea.
Date girls who live in the honors dorms at your own risk.
Losing to a rival team doesn't make them better than you.
Beating a rival team does make you much better than them.
Things you yell into a cell phone at two in the morning outside your dorm room will never be forgotten. Trust me.
Being a college student doesn't excuse you from: recycling, taking care of your intoxicated friends, being kind to people, committing vehicular manslaughter or bathing.
You should own more than one pair of sheets.
Kinsolving Cafeteria is better than Jester Cafeteria even though they serve the same food.
The parking attendant on the moped really does have it in for you.
Any relationship that ends with a hug is a success.
You can only take some CLEP tests once a semester. Plan ahead.
Just because your TA writes a nice note on your essay doesn't mean that he likes you. Or does he?
Wearing your high school letter jacket to class better be some kind of joke that I don't get.
Getting your friend drunk and shaving off one side burn is wrong ... but really funny, so take pictures.
Your student publications don't make more mistakes than regular publications; they just chose to make them all on the front page.
Googling yourself more than once a week makes you a narcissist.
Never assume a door is locked, specifically those doors in the study rooms on the top of the Undergraduate Library.
You'll love again, I promise.
People who gloat about not having finals are asking for it.
Never live within two blocks of your girlfriend.
If you see green on bread, it means that there is already lots of mold inside.
Owning one of those cell phone headsets is one step on the moral ladder below beating the elderly.
The words "girls," "gone" and "wild" should never appear on the same resume.
There are about 100 restaurants in and around campus that aren't Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco C, or Wendy's. Try one.
People know when you don't know their name, so just ask.
Don't be antagonistic toward your significant other's friends.
Your student fees pay for more than you'll ever need, so take advantage of as much as possible.
STD really is the name of the English Honors Society. It's okay to laugh.
Never believe it when a college student says these five words: "I'll never do that again."
Your teachers want to be outside on beautiful days just as much as you do. Just ask.
If there are 50,000 people at the University, and you have three exes that you don't want to talk to ever again, you have a 60 percent chance of running into them.
If you haven't played at least four IM sports by the time you've graduated, you haven't lived.
Finally, write down events, names and addresses, because in time, all you'll have are your memories and your friends.
Be the first to comment on this article!