Arnold Schwarzenegger did it, and Jesse Ventura did too. Now Kinky Friedman wants to be the next big name political amateur to become governor of his state, the great state of Texas.
Texas needs a breath of fresh air. Republicans and Democrats in the Capitol pretend to fight each other, but Texans are growing tired of their unproductive charade. Kinky Friedman is the remedy.
A University alumnus, Kinky became famous by singing irreverent and satirical country songs like "They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore." Later he became a successful writer. His mystery novels star a detective named Kinky Friedman, a Jewish cowboy.
A Jewish cowboy - who can resist that? Yet the image of the strong Jew is absent from U.S. popular culture. Hollywood loves a self-deprecating Jew, like Woody Allen, or a Jew who can't make it through a day without having to apologize to somebody, like Larry David.
Kinky is the antithesis of the fumbling schlemiel, and he plans to fight our role models' degradation. Many call President Bush a cowboy as though that is some sort of insult, but Kinky knows better.
"Our icons are being demeaned," he says. "Cowboys are no longer heroes for our children, but subject to derision. We will beat back the wussification of Texas if we have to do it one wuss at a time."
Kinky does not speak like a politician running for office. His cynical attitude reflects his desire to change the system, not just to become a part of it.
"Political correctness must be abolished," Kinky says. "Texans need to be told the truth. Texans do not need opaque, carefully scripted press releases."
Amen. There is no such thing as political correctness. Something is either political or it is correct. As Texans, we are tired of being talked down to via stale talking points. Our politicians listen to focus groups and pollsters instead of employing the sound judgment they were supposedly elected to use. The result is a public turned off political participation - just what our politicians need in order to stay in power.
If Kinky's masculinity, bluntness and populism are not enough to win your vote, perhaps his views on the issues will.
Priority No. 1 for Kinky is - not surprisingly for an aspiring governor - education. "No teacher left behind" is his slogan. Our teachers want more control over their curriculum, and they should be given it. Instead, Kinky laments, students are taught how to bubble with a No. 2 pencil for the TAKS test, but they can't answer questions about their own history.
Kinky plans to glorify the teaching profession and to seek teachers' advice in enacting education reform. Teachers should be admired, not cynically dismissed with a "those who can, do; those who can't, teach" attitude. When you meet students who are education majors, praise them for pursuing the most honorable profession. To Kinky, teachers are on the same plane as cowboys.
As part of his plan to finance his education initiatives, Kinky wants to legalize casino gambling. Texans should be allowed to play Texas Hold 'Em in Texas casinos.
Another important issue for Kinky is illegal immigration. Our politicians have been trying to sweep the issue under the rug for years. But because of groups such as the Minutemen, nobody can avoid talking about our porous border with Mexico. Kinky is willing to be direct about Texas' illegal immigration problem, and he blames an often overlooked player - the Mexican government.
"Because of [the Mexican government's] corruptness [sic], we are financing the education and the health of hundreds of thousands of people for free. And we're sending billions to PEMEX [Mexico's nationalized petroleum company] each month," he said. "So, I'm here to tell PEMEX, 'We're a few quarts low, and we're not going to take care of these people for free anymore - unless we get a deal on the oil.'"
Our government must start making demands on the Mexican government, rather than being a safety net for their failures. Kinky's proposal forces Mexico, a major oil producer, to claim responsibility for the deplorable conditions of its own nationals.
Kinky is not conducting a standard gubernatorial campaign. He has neither state money nor his own pockets to finance his campaign. He won't be able to buy himself a victory. Only the people of Texas can propel Kinky into the governor's mansion.
Because of the grip that the Republicans and Democrats have on Texas politics, the last time an independent managed to appear on the ballot in a gubernatorial election was 146 years ago when Sam Houston ran. In order for Kinky Friedman to be on the ballot as an independent candidate, he will need 50,000 signatures from people who do not vote in next March's Republican or Democrat primary. If every Longhorn avoids the upcoming primaries and signs his/her name, Kinky won't have to stand outside grocery stores begging for signatures.
Every prospective politician claims to be tired of the establishment's business-as-usual attitude. But at least Texans have an alternative to the empty-suit Republicans and Democrats. And he doesn't even wear a suit.
Kinky Friedman - Why the hell not?
Rubenstein is a Middle Eastern studies senior.
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