Intramural sports can be an absolute joy to participate in. There really is nothing better in the world than getting together with friends and throwing the football around or shooting some hoops. Come to think of it, in my experience here at the University, some of my better memories involve doing those very things.
However, with almost everything else in life, there are always vandals who attempt to corrupt and ruin your good old-fashioned fun. In the world of IM sports, I’ve deemed these ruffians high school heroes.
If you’ve ever played any level of IM sport, you know exactly who I’m talking about. It’s that same guy who peels out of every parking lot he has ever parked in, drinks Muscle Milk in class and prefaces every story he tells with, “Yeah, I was working out the other day ...”
In preparation for a game, he arrives 30 minutes early just so he can go through the same routine that he went through back when he was a starter on the varsity squad at his high school (most likely a large school in West Texas or in a Houston or Dallas suburb).
He carries with him a dilapidated equipment bag that is meaningful for two reasons. First, it dons the glorious logo of his alma mater, and second, in a Mary Poppins-esque manner, it carries all the sports goodies any little leaguer could ever dream of. For instance, along with a pair of backup cleats, it wouldn’t be unusual to find a pair of gloves, athletic
tape and a bag of chew within the mystical sports container.
Located on his bicep in a sleeve, his iPod travels everywhere he goes. Before a match, it would be customary to observe a high school hero “rocking out” to his favorite Rage Against the Machine or Linkin Park song, likely because that is exactly what he listened to before “taking state in ‘06.”
The attire of a high school hero is also usually a dead giveaway. Generally, he likes to wear Under Armour shirts to accentuate his developed physique. However, if all of his performance apparel is dirty, he wouldn’t be caught dead in anything other than a dry-fit shirt.
He also owns a variety of baggy basketball shorts that, regardless of his waist size, are always XL. He loves his Nike Shox but also likes to lounge about in flip-flops and long socks.
His number-2 haircut is always kept fresh, and the lady at Supercuts knows just how he likes it done.
Though he would vehemently deny it, he loves to accessorize himself with a lanyard on which hangs the key to his room in Jester and a frayed hat that features his favorite professional sports team.
On the field, he overexerts himself in every possible way and makes the game a drag for anyone else involved — including his own teammates. Armed with an abnormal knowledge of obscure IM rules, he argues with the student referee after several plays throughout the game, belittling his contemporary every step of the way.
When he accomplishes something of value for his team, he ensures that everyone knows it was him. When something bad happens, he is quick in pointing out whose fault it was and attempts to find a more adequate replacement for the wrongdoer on the field. After all, winning is absolutely everything.
Now, you might say that I seem incredibly bitter, and I confess that you are absolutely correct. My C-league, co-ed soccer team encountered a team full of high school heroes who turned our friendly match into a game that was simply not fun for The Whole Family, which is the name of our team.
To all of those out there who are looking to relive their high school grandeur at the expense of us who are looking to simply have fun, do yourself and everyone else a favor and get out of the C-leagues. Please?
Oh yeah, and go out and buy some new clothes. You’d be amazed what you can find outside Academy.
Earnest is a finance senior.
High school heroes: Those who ruin intramural sports for the rest of us
Published: Thursday, November 19, 2009
Updated: Thursday, November 19, 2009
5 comments
You can say "please don't take this game too seriously" without mocking people....