1.) The lines: Normally, when you find yourself spending more than 45 minutes standing next to complete strangers with strong opinions in a long, winding line, you are either waiting to buy an iPhone or attend a Lynyrd Skynrd concert. On Election Day, you’re about to participate in American democracy, which, unlike the previous two options, is free to all citizens.
2.) The free sticker: Put it on your shirt, your backpack, your phone; hell, stick it on your forehead and wear it for the remainder of the fiscal year. Things haven’t changed much since kindergarten, and an authority figure giving you a free sticker still speaks volumes about your value as a human being. (Hint: It means you’re better than everyone else.)
3.) You like feeling like you’re taking a midterm you haven’t studied for: Maybe you’re a genius who always marks the right answer on the test, and you long to experience, just once, that feeling of not knowing which box should be checked. As the election workers will tell you, we’ve got a long ballot this year, full of races you’ve heard of and ones you haven’t heard of. Unless you bring a cheat sheet, it will only take a few clicks for you to experience that precious “what-the-****-is-this-question-asking” feeling that you’ve been missing out on.
4.) You enjoy feeling like you’re back in kindergarten: On the other hand, every race is color-coded, so just pick the color you like best. (I think they might be affiliated with political parties? I just clicked on the color that complemented my outfit.)
5.) To cast a vote for Paul Sadler for U.S. Senate: It’s like the time you tried out for American Idol despite knowing that your singing voice sounds like the meow of a dying cat. It’s never going to happen, but isn’t it cute that you tried?
6.) To cast a vote for Proposition 1: All the cool kids are totes voting for Proposition 1, bro. Because medical schools are LEGIT. What, do you live under a rock?
7.) To try to find the effective difference between Proposition 3 and Proposition 4: Nope. Can’t. Still trying.
8.) To make friends with a retiree: As soon as you make it to the front of the line and meet the election volunteers, you’ll realize that the only people who still care deeply about the foundations of our democracy are people from your grandparents’ generation. I hope you washed the back of your ears and registered in the proper county.
9.) To have something to live-tweet: It’s difficult to find the right situation in which to bombard your unwitting Twitter followers with unwanted tweets. That’s why the election’s so valuable — for democracy and for your online ego. Tweet, baby, tweet — your followers need to hear it.
10.) To get laid: Nothing’s hotter than civic engagement, and there’s no better place to try out your political pick-up lines than while in line to participate in politics. Try the following gems:
“Obama’s policies may have left me broke, but I’ve still got the money to take you to dinner.”
“Hey, girl. Romney and Ryan aren’t the only ones who want to over-regulate your lady parts.”
“I’m a libertarian because no government entity can control me in the bedroom.”
- Wright is a Plan II and biology junior.