Oh you sweet, stupid OU

AddThis

Red River Rivalry 2011

Photo Credit: Lucy Griswold | Daily Texan Staff

Editor's note: In the spirit of our friendly rivalry with the University of Oklahoma, the editorial boards of The Daily Texan and The Oklahoma Daily have exchanged editorials. In anticipation of Saturday's football game, both editorials are running in Austin and Norman today.

Looks like we have a pretty tough game coming up. I mean, facing an experienced quarterback is daunting enough, but when you add the best wide receiver in the nation into the mix, we’ll really need to be at our best to pull out a win.

But enough about Oklahoma State. This weekend we’re playing your team, which means it’s that special time of year where we travel to Dallas to eat fried food, mingle with your fans and ask, “What is that smell?

There’s no other way to put it: Last year we were a pretty bad team, but anomalies do happen. After all, Landry Jones has all his teeth. We’re coming into the game as the underdog, but we think that we may just have the squad to pull the biggest upset since your university was accredited.

Remember that time Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley beat you guys a lot? Yeah, we’ve got another one of those. Sorry.

Congratulations on finally ending your nine-year BCS bowl draught by winning the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, which is fitting because your state happens to have all the flavor and personality of a tortilla chip. We used to say jokes such as “Why can’t Sooners eat cereal? (Because they always choke in bowls!)” But we’ll cut that out now that you guys are legitimate again. UConn’s Division I, right?

From the vantage point of those stuck in Norman-Bosnia-Herzegovina, things in Austin must seem amazing, but the truth is times are as tough here as they are anywhere else in the nation. Recently our newspaper’s headlines have been dominated by talks of state funding and budget cuts.

Now, we don’t mean to confuse you Sooners so let us explain. “Budgets” are a financial planning device used to manage your money. “Money” is that green stuff that you leave at casinos.

Luckily, we found a new alternative source of revenue by establishing our own UT-centric television network, which will bring in $300 million from ESPN. Knowing that your university only survives by stealing from Texas, we look forward to the announcement of OU’s own cable channel and all the exciting potential content it will air. We’re sure “Teen Wife” and “Sister Swap” will hit home with the locals.

In the meantime, a lot has been made of the potential profits surrounding conference realignment. With our sister school A&M moving to the SEC to do whatever it is they do over there, the future of the Big 12 is uncertain at best.

But we’re glad Texas and OU have stuck together. I mean, it’s so hard to find a good plumber these days.

There’s just something endearing about our rivalry, something that we’re glad won’t fall prey to conference realignment.

We can’t quite put our finger on it.

Maybe it’s the way OU fans sound like Lou Holtz after their third corndog (remember, chew!). Or perhaps it’s the way your caravan of mobile homes will triple the population of every town with a Cracker Barrel on I-35 this weekend. Or it might just be that adorable face Bob Stoops makes when he’s confused.

Let’s just face it: We’re in a symbiotic relationship. Sorry, big word, let me explain: You need us, just like every underdog needs an opponent who clearly outmatches it — you know, like Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed or the SAT and you.

And UT needs OU just like every small town needs an addict loitering outside the corner store, serving as a cautionary tale for parents to tell their children: “Do your school work so you don’t end up like ol’ Rhett over there.”

Are we forgetting something? Let’s see: Dental hygiene, Rhett Bomar, ESPN deal. Oh, yeah!

You suck.

And now if you’ll direct your attention to the other side of the page, enjoy this year’s winning entry in the annual Pottawatomie County essay contest titled “Things we looked up about UT on Wikipedia.”