Chapter 151: The faction factor
When faced with the challenge of writing my last article of the year, I decided that it was time to address an important issue.
But there are numerous issues out there that necessitate addressing; to choose only one would be inconsiderate, nay, irresponsible. So I decided to write about the driving force behind the advancement of these issues, namely factions — an issue as important at UT as it is for the world.
I imagine that the first faction arose in the period shortly after time began. When Vikings marauded the land and fiefdoms dotted Eurasia like Starbucks, concerned parents joined concerned faculty to form the first Parent-Teacher Organization. This event marked the invention of the faction system, which would become the system for encouraging action in government and administrative bodies around the world. The organization reached its apex of fame when it was hailed as one of the top 20 organization systems by Kiplinger’s Personal Finance in January of 1946.
The structure and effects of a faction can be best demonstrated in the elementary school setting, although factions show up in political debates, town hall meetings and other administrative and legislative bodies, and most presently, at every one of the many protests that occur on our campus at periodic intervals.
A faction begins when one day, little Jeffrey comes home and innocuously announces that he had macaroni and cheese for lunch that day in the lunch line. Jeffrey’s mother, whom I will call Concerned Parent No. 1, immediately grows concerned, for this is the third time this month that macaroni and cheese was served in the lunch line. As Concerned Parent No. 1 fixes Jeffery’s afternoon snack of cookies and milk, she wonders, “What about apples? How will my beloved Jeffery get his antioxidants and fiber?” Distressed, she calls her two best friends, Concerned Parent No. 2 and Concerned Parent No. 3, who are quite naturally terribly concerned as well. So they in turn call their friends who call their friends until all of the world’s Concerned Parents are aflutter.
Then everyone meets for lunch, someone drafts a mission statement, and before too long, everyone’s banded together to form a faction, named something like “Concerned Parents for More Apples in the Lunch Line.” The faction, through what might be described in other situations as extortion, pressures the school administration to acquiesce to its demands through such tactics as massive calling campaigns, picketing, class-action suits and, the old favorite, mob violence. Whatever method the faction uses, before long, the school inevitably submits to its demands, unless of course the opposing faction (Concerned Parents Against More Apples in the Lunch Line) is of equal or greater power.
While student faction participation is high, the faction is in less use among the so-called “employed adult” world. People are no longer willing to spend their time protesting the injustices that plague our world, for they are much too busy with silly things like jobs and bowling leagues. Only students have the energy and spare time to band together and fight for some noble cause, be it tuition regulation, peace or the ability to Q-drop classes.
That’s why it’s up to us, fellow students, to honor that time-honored tradition and join or form a faction to change the world to make it what we want it to be. Good luck.
Miller is a women’s and gender studies freshmen.
