Zombie invasion draws near, students prepare

The day begins like any other at UT. You reluctantly get up, brush your teeth and maybe grab some semblance of a breakfast before you have to get to class.But things are clearly different outside.

An eerie calm permeates the air as the clock tower remains silent. No cars or bikes are out, and no one else seems to be rushing to class.

The airwaves crackle with the last news stations reporting that the dead have risen. This is the zombie apocalypse.

An increase in zombie popularity, perpetuated by books like “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” cult zombie movies and maybe just the Halloween spirit have caused several Longhorns to speculate what procedures to take if such a fictitious cataclysm occurred: where to go, what the best means of defense are and how to survive.

And this isn’t just at UT: The University of Florida posted its own emergency plan on the university’s Web site at the beginning of the month, but it was removed due to complaints.

According to UF University spokesman Steve Orlando, the plan “didn’t really belong” on a site detailing real emergency plans for an infectious outbreak or natural disaster.

Yet a zombie emergency plan, when done respectfully, can be a means to inform and forewarn the student body of how to deal with general crisis procedures.

At UT, there is a group of individuals — students, faculty and doctoral candidates — who take the threat of zombies very, very seriously.

“The zombie apocalypse is not a potentiality, it is an inevitability,” said Sean Tiffee, a rhetoric and language studies doctoral student and self-proclaimed “zombie expert.” “It is not a question of if, but only a question of when.”

For the non-zombie expert, zombies fall into two categories: the classic, shuffling “Dawn of the Dead” zombie and the predatorial, agile “28 Days Later” zombie. The problem with accurately preparing for a zombie apocalypse is that zombie experts are torn over which kind of zombie attack we ought to expect.

Joshua Gunn, UT associate communications studies professor and paranormal and occultism expert, recommends UT’s underground tunnels as an escape from the classic variety.

“UT sits on top of a vast network of tunnels that could be used as either a shelter or an escape,” he said. “Once we have access to the tunnels, we could not only avoid zombies, but also the hot sun ... I mean, underground things are naturally cooler anyway.”

But the tunnels aren’t for everyone: They’re dark, musty and actually quite hot, said Kevin L. Johnson, chilling station maintenance supervisor for the University.

Another option, specifically for students living on campus, are dorms with cafeterias.

Scott Meyer, the associate director of housing and food services, said UT stores food and water within a large central warehouse in Jester Center for actual emergencies.

“We have food prepared for four to five days of emergency use, such as a campus lockdown or loss of electricity,” he said. “We can also provide somewhere in the neighborhood of 100,000 meals a day.”

Tiffee recommends a last place for refuge: the UT Tower. 

“It’s relatively safe because zombies don’t have the capacity to use the elevators and can’t make it up that many stairs,” he said. “High ground is always good in a zombie outbreak and you can’t get much higher than the Tower.”

But go alone.

“You’ll need to be careful about others coming with you,” Tiffee said. “If a zombie does make it to the observation deck, that’s about the worst place to be.”

Comments

2 comments

Desiree

Fri Oct 30 2009 16:59

Yes, Seriously.

Rob Johnson

Thu Oct 29 2009 10:57

Seriously?

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