1. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! - Some Loud Thunder
I reviewed this album for the Texan and gave it a mostly "OK" review. I apologize - this is one of the rare albums that makes you dislike the band so much that you don't want to listen to their earlier work. The recording quality is so bad that many illegal downloaders thought they received damaged versions when, in fact, it just sounds terrible.
But it's probably better that way, because Some Loud Thunder is total trash. Their goal was to outshine their debut album with better production, more instruments and that "epic" quality that indie bands seem to be going after these days (even though Galaxie 500 mastered it 15 years ago).
The result is a vomit-inducing tour de crap so indulgent, over the top, overdubbed and haphazardly put together that listening to it is a chore. Some of the lyrics are so bad and unintelligible, you figure that singer Alec Ounsworth is making them up on the spot. I shudder at the idea that he actually sat down and *gasp* put them down to paper thinking they were coherent, much less any good.
(The closest thing this album has to a saving grace is a novelty song about a dance party in hell with Satan demanding everyone dance. That's what I want, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! - more songs about Satan.)
2. Soulja Boy Tell Em - Souljaboytellem.com
I feel very conflicted about placing this album on this list. Personally, one of the best moments of my year was walking around downtown one afternoon and seeing two very large women doing the Soulja Boy dance outside their van. Never before had I seen two women totaling 500 pounds, "superman dat ho."
Also, the YouTube video of the UT football team doing the Soulja Boy is pretty great, and some of the song's lyrics are horribly awesome (if someone can explain to me what Soulja Boy means by "I got me some bathin' apes," I would greatly appreciate it). However, this is seriously the worst song of all time, and its inclusion on any album automatically places it on my worst albums of the year list.
3. Baby Shambles - Shotter's Nation
My open letter to Baby Shambles guitarist Pete Doherty:
Dear Mr. Doherty,
Please stick to what you do best: filling up British tabloids, dating super models and working as a prostitute to fuel your prodigious drug habit. Music just isn't your thing.
Yours truly, America
4. Voxtrot - Voxtrot
I saw Voxtrot this summer and left midway through the show. It was so mind-numbingly boring that I thought someone slipped roofies into my drink and forgot to sexually assault me. Seeing Voxtrot live is like watching the worst high school Smiths cover band, and somehow, the album is even worse than the live experience. Once one of Austin and indie rock's most promising bands, it is safe to say that Voxtrot has completely digressed since their 2005 Raised by Wolves EP.
5. 50 Cent - Curtis
At some point, a gangsta rapper becomes so rich that it's impossible for him to make good music, and 50 Cent reached that mark about $400 million ago. There is a song on it actually titled "I'll Still Kill." No, Mr. Cent, you would not still kill. You would hire someone to do it for you and then return to your house filled with multiple stripper poles and bathtubs shaped like a clams.
6. The Donnas - Bitchin'
If the Texan doesn't print Bitchin's album cover for me, then look it up. It's really all you need to know.
7. Radiohead - In Rainbows
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hear me out, buddy; I liked this album, too.
But if a band is in the midst of one of the greatest winning streaks in music history and releases a pretty decent album, shouldn't it be considered a failure just because it didn't live up to expectations? I think it's similar to how George Steinbrenner looks at any season in which the Yankees don't win the World Series as a complete failure.
Radiohead is known for their innovation, and the most innovative thing about In Rainbows was the way it was released. Where is the characteristic creepiness? Where are the good beats (aside from "15 Step")? When should I feel the need to skip songs on a Radiohead album?
8. Smashing Pumpkins - Zeitgeist
The Smashing Pumpkins, one of alternative music's great bands, traditionally consisted of singer/songwriter Billy Corgan, guitarist James Iha, bassist D'Arcy Wretzky and drummer Jimmy Chamberlin. Corgan's post-Pumpkins group, Zwan, included Chamberlin on the drums, as did his 2005 solo album, The Future Embrace.
The new Smashing Pumpkins album Zeitgeist featured Corgan and Chamberlin, but not D'Arcy and James Iha. Basically, the difference between Zwan, Billy Corgan's solo album and Zeitgeist is the name and Billy Corgan's expectation that he can make a ton of money by putting out crap.
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