This week, I am joined by Daily Texan columnist Ben Wermund to discuss the gendered expectations of orgasm and the acceptability of “faking it.”
Jane had an unsatisfying sexual experience with Dick, but she faked orgasm anyway. And Jane’s experience is not unique; 72 percent of women have faked an orgasm during their latest sexual relationship, according to the “Orgasm Survey” conducted in 2000 at UT.
Of the women we’ve discussed the topic with, oftentimes faking orgasm is a tactic used when they are having a pleasurable time but can’t seem to reach climax that night.
“There is this expectation that if I don’t have a real orgasm that I’m not having a good time, which at least for me is just not true,” explained Darcy, a UT English junior. “So sometimes I’ll fake it just so my partner doesn’t think he’s failed me or something.”
Unlike Darcy’s experiences, faking for others is a habit. And in some circles, habitual faking is actually recommended. In her latest book, “What Makes Women Happy,” Fay Weldon encourages women to fake orgasms in order to please their male partners.
“Faking is kind to male partners,” Weldon writes. “Otherwise, they too may become anxious and so less able to perform. Do yourself and him a favor, sister: Fake it.”
But there is a glaringly unrealistic expectation lurking inside Weldon’s endorsement of faking it to be “kind.” Is it actually kind to disguise your dissatisfaction with the sex you and your partner are having? Would it not be kinder to simply be honest, or to try to incorporate more activities that could make the sex better?
Furthermore, Weldon’s “fake it to be nice” tactic would only work if the man were oblivious to his partner, which evidence contradicts. From the rise in sex guides stressing the importance of male sexual empathy to an increase in free Internet porn featuring extended male-on-female cunnilingus scenes, it’s becoming obvious that men can no longer be stereotyped as uncaring lovers.
In the above scenario, Dick — assaulted with his own paranoia about Jane’s faking — loses steam and begins to feel inadequate. Suddenly, Jane’s not the only one faking.
However, Dick’s situation is slightly different because while Jane can openly talk about her experience — female faking is a constant hot topic everywhere from women’s talk shows to men’s lifestyle magazines — male faking is often seen as the subject of shameful sexual taboo.
And while male faking may seem impossible because of the obvious “evidence” of a male orgasm, it’s not. In fact, 24 percent of men have faked an orgasm during their latest sexual relationship, according to the same survey cited above.
Both males and females can and do fake orgasms. But while most discussions veer into “can he tell or not” territory, maybe there should be more communication about sexual pleasure in general.
Jane is faking to please Dick and Dick is faking to appease Jane, but no one is having any real pleasure. And when sex has turned from an experience of pleasure to one of extreme anxiety and resentment, something needs to change.
