 "Photo: Caleb Miller")
Moustaches. Freedom.
When Zach McCall walked away from the Second Annual Tri-County Moustache Contest with the Golden Moustache, a two-foot wide, gilded foam handlebar 'stache glued to the top of a soccer trophy, he had taken a stand for both.
The contest took place Wednesday night at the Cypress Creek Cafe Club in Wimberley before an audience of about 25.
"All my life, or at least for the last three months, I've faced intense moustache discrimination," McCall, a Wimberley native, said. "Mostly social. People judge you for something like this." He tugged at his luxuriant Fu Manchu, which he had dubbed 'The Moustache of Grand Proportions.' "But tonight, it all paid off."
McCall and 'The Moustache' live in Austin but commute daily to Wimberley, where they work at the post office.
Runner-up was Rexford, a Snidely Whiplash-esque handlebar adorning the face of a man who only went by the name of "Taylor." He said had grown Rexford for the occasion "in about 15 minutes."
"But before that, Rexford was off fighting for freedom and the American way in Iraq," Taylor said.
Rexford declined to comment, perhaps upset because Taylor said he planned to shave him immediately after the contest and grow another the next day. The next day's moustache, he noted, "will, of course, have a different name."
The contest was the brainchild of Wimberley native Michael Pape, who created an early version of the contest with friends while studying theater at Reed College in Portland, Ore.
"Some friends and I realized that the moustache, that great American tradition, was going out of style," Pape said. "Everywhere, moustache wearers were discriminated against and laughed at. We felt we had to do something to bring it back."
So they started throwing yearly contests called "'Stache Bashes."
"Then I moved back here, and I wanted to keep the tradition alive. But also, last week a friend of mine threw a 'Stache Bash in Portland, and next week another one is going to throw one in New York. So it's a national thing."
Eight people competed in the contest, three of whom were women with fake moustaches and one of whom was a boy identified only as Hawk, who, upon being introduced, hid behind the legs of his mother (also a competitor).
The contest was judged by The Whisker Ticklers, an impromptu bluegrass trio thrown together last week. The band, which was made up Amanda Jones, Julia Parminter and Lisa Manchac, all performed with fake moustaches dangling under their noses.
"This is so uncomfortable," Parminter said of her fake 'stache. "I don't know how you guys deal with soup. Or snot."
The Whisker Ticklers judged each moustache on style, texture, presentation and "the length and some equation based on, ah, follicle circumference, that I can't tell you," Manchac said.
Pape declared the event to have been a necessary stand against "moustache bias."
"This isn't a Wimberley issue!" he shouted. "It isn't a Mason-Dixon issue or a Red State-Blue State issue. By God, it's an American issue! I talked to Barack [Obama] the other day, and I told him, 'Barack, people are hurting out here. You got to do something. And the word is, he's going to grow a mustache, too. So watch for that.
"And you out there in the audience, don't be afraid to start training for next year now," he said. "The journey of 10,000 whiskers begins in a single day."
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