Intimacy turns me on.
Sexy Sally talked about how she liked to be manhandled and, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being slammed against the bed as much as the next girl. Fabulous Frank wrote about the role that intellect plays in his relationships, and I can relate to that too.
But what gets me hot-and-bothered is when I don’t have to say anything because my partner just knows.
When my partner and I started dating, I was too young to know what I wanted. There’s a phase of sexuality where people just have to figure themselves out and not worry about the other person. We made out, sure, but we were young and there was no real effort to understand what the other wanted.
In that phase of our relationship I focused on what I wanted, and then I trained him to do it. I taught him what I wanted, and he taught me too.
Now, when I text him to come over and take care of me, he knows what I want and how I want it. Sure, there is still some communication, but, for the most part, he knows what I want just as well as I do.
What turns me on is having a partner who understands me. Our relationship used to require a lot of verbal instruction. Faster. Slower. Up and to the Right. Gentle. Harder. I say those words still, but normally for my own benefit, because he’s one step ahead of me.
A few nights ago my partner came over to cuddle with me after a hard day. He knew that I wanted him, because I told him. But I didn’t have to tell him what to do next.
He got me in bed gently and didn’t say a word. He knew where to touch and stroke and kiss. He knew how to make me feel good and that understanding is what turned me on.
For me, it’s not about being in public, or the sex being forceful. It’s about when we make eye contact, and I know that he’s having sex with me not because I have a great body or because I seduced him, but because he knows that he loves me and that I had a hard day and need to be with him.
There’s nothing better for me than being understood: both in how I want to be touched and who I am as a person. The intimacy is everything.