Turn-ons. Like Sexy Sally said last night, they reshape innocent attraction into fiery passion. Most often, we find them in the sexual prowess of our partners. Biting, role-playing and domination tend to top the list. You're probably expecting me to say that I'm turned on by a big member, and honestly that's nice, too. Good arms and eyes are definitely in my top five. But my biggest turn-on doesn't necessarily take place in the bedroom.
What's my number one turn-on? Intelligence.
Intellect probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you think about sex, but in my experience it can add a deeper meaning to otherwise meaningless sex.
I realized this turn-on when my first college boyfriend and I had our first sexual encounter. We met on Grindr (In retrospect, I realize this was an ominous harbinger to the failure of our relationship, but that's another story). Our innocent movie night escalated into sex. The sex was good, but what happened after made me say yes when he asked to go on a date.
Unlike other Grindr hookups I've experience, Michael* stuck around after we finished. We spent a good portion of the early morning discussing topics ranging from government and religion to philosophy. We didn't necessarily agree on everything, but I was amazed at how well we could sustain a deep conversation. It wasn't the usual pillow talk. His intellect made me realize just how void of meaning our sex the last night had been. It made me want him more. So, when he asked me on a date the next day, my answer was a resounding yes.
We went on a couple of dates, and the next time we had sex, which was almost a month later, it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. He had a nice body and his eyes were piercing, but when I think about the most attractive part of Michael, I think about his 'smarts.' They made him more desirable, and are probably what allowed a relatively good relationship to build off of a weak Grindr foundation.
Michael and I are no longer together, and for a good reason. But when we did sporadically hookup over the summer, each time was followed by a deep conversation about life. Intelligence is sexy, and in a gay community often radiating materialism and the perfect physical mold of a man, it is sometimes hard to find. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, it's just rare for gay guys to express it as a means of attraction.
Guys (and girls) should own their intelligence. Embrace it among like any other good attribute as part of what builds your confidence, which is also a huge turn-on. Don't radiate pretension, but use your mind.
Intelligence can take sex to a new level, and it may help you find that right person.
*Names have been changed for confidentiality.