• Sage speech advice to SG candidates

    We will vote for a brand new crop of student leaders this Wednesday and Thursday. As in any election, there will be winners and losers. The losers will politely clap with fake smiles plastered on their faces. They will ultimately sulk off to their rooms and turn to Ben and Jerry for moral and nonjudgmental support. The winners, however, will have their first moments of UT stardom when they celebrate their success with a grand speech. I say, why not take inspiration from Oscars’ acceptance speeches in order to properly stir up your loyal voters who worked tirelessly to place you in your new position?

    First and foremost, thanking your family is a must. The family shoutout is a great place to pull on the heartstrings, so try using a cliché metaphor like Ang Lee did when accepting the Oscar for Best Director. “You are the golden statue in my heart,” Lee said when speaking of his cast. 

    It is always likeable to give credit to the unsung heroes, perhaps those who shouted your last name around campus with a superhuman fervor and tenacity each day between classes. Sean Fine brought on stage the once-homeless woman whom he features in his Oscar winning documentary short Sunday night. Let me tell you, the tissues were flying.

    Finally, no good speech is without a little kick. Spicing it up with some controversy is always memorable. Why not take a cue from Tom Hanks’s intense 1993 Best Actor speech and out your gay high school government teacher while explaining how he taught you open-mindedness in politics?

    In short, SG candidates, when practicing your victory speeches in your mirror, don’t forget Mommy, the little people, and go out with a bang. Remember to rehearse your shock faces!

  • Afternoon Links

    The Daily Texan Life and Arts section is happy to complement your afternoon procrastination with a smattering of news from across the cultural spectrum.

    As the horsemeat scandal rages on, here are some of the worst mystery meats of the past few years.

    Vulture is debating the best sitcom of the past 30 years. Round one is “Cheers” versus “The Office.”

    The first Instagram pictures from North Korea!

    Questlove is teaching a course at NYU. It is kind of like this.

     Here’s what Google thinks of your favorite athletes, everything ranging from “punk” to “murderer.”

    Happy birthday, Victor Hugo! Too bad Hollywood made that pretty terrible musical out of your pretty good book.

    50 unseen poems by Rudyard Kipling will be released next month.

    Austinites may not have to wait until 2014 to shop at Trader Joe’s. The grocery store plans to open a location in Rollingwood.

    Did you watch this really cute video of a pig saving a baby goat? Well you were right, it was too cute to be true.

    Have you watched David Bowie’s new music video featuring Tilda Swinton?