Get Horny with the Horns: BDSM on a budget

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Photo Credit: Mel Westfall | Daily Texan Staff

Editor’s Note: Get Horny with the Horns is a weekly column about sex from columnist B. Jones, who goes by a pseudonym. Reader discretion is advised.

Certain things in life are so expensive that they become expendable. Interesting sex doesn’t have to be one of those things.

Having enough money for anything in college is hard, from Netflix subscriptions to your alcohol fund to textbooks. But you don’t have to give up on the important things, like kinky sex, just because your finances are nonexistent.

Here are some BDSM-ish things you can use even when money is low. Warning: These options do not take into account aesthetic value.

Water

This is the most versatile and readily available pleasurable substance, and it is constantly at your disposal. You’ve likely seen the ice scene in “Fifty Shades” and were understandably underwhelmed, but if ice is used correctly, it can go a long way.

Try mixing hot and frozen water (not literally) in the same session to create an intense temperature contrast. When you suddenly switch from using ice to small drops of near-boiling water, the shock value is priceless.

Zip ties

These are a staple of my sex life. You can get a pack of 50 for under $5 at Walmart, and they are almost impossible to break out of — notice how I said almost. They have a way higher success rate than the handcuffs you’d buy at Spencer’s.

Just make sure you have the proper equipment to cut the ties. If you don’t, it could mean an awkward phone call to your housemate and a near-amputated foot.

Rope

If you want to really tie someone down, Walmart, once again, has you covered. In the outdoors section, they’ll sell you 50 feet of rope for less than $5. If that price seems a little steep, remember that rope is reusable, so this could potentially last you well into your 60s, depending on how hard you go at it.

Chip clips

Keep your sex life as fresh as your Doritos. Since I realized nipple clamps are a scam, I’ve tried every household item I could think of, and chip clips are the only ones that stay in place and don’t threaten permanent damage. If you’re looking for something a little more risky, try binder clips.

An old belt

Too cheap to buy a leash? Add some extra holes to an old belt to make a collar and use your knot-tying abilities from the Boy Scouts to attach a leftover piece of that Walmart rope. If it’s done right, it won’t look as stupid as it sounds.

A stress ball

Poke a hole through the middle and stick in some rope or string, and you’ve got yourself a homemade ball gag. Depending on the ball-to-mouth ratio, you might want to add some air holes in the middle — trust me.

Candles

But not for the romantic effect. Try burning one for half an hour, maybe on the dinner table while you’re eating. Have your sub lie down on their stomach and pour the wax down their back. After it dries, it also adds a nice pinch, especially if you have an abundance of body hair.

Although wax requires some tedious cleanup, it doesn’t leave any permanent marks. That way, your mom won’t know how kinky you really are the next time you wear a backless top.