Horns down: No more flat-ish UT
With today’s breaking news that the Speedway bricks will have to be torn up and replaced, students must face the heartbreaking reality that perhaps this construction may never end. Right when it looked like we may soon be able to walk to class unimpeded by overcrowded half-streets and bikers who refuse to dismount, our dream was ripped away from us.
UT had a dearth of flat surfaces. We all know our university is located on a hill, and it’s not exactly a secret that our campus isn’t very accessible. But just when we thought the long, winding road to a flat Speedway was coming to an end, we get this. Replacing the bricks with more bricks will not make Speedway any more accessible to our wheelchair-bound Longhorns, and tearing them up will only result in longer commutes for everyone.
Horns Up: Aesthetics
The reinstallation of bricks on Speedway presents us with the exciting opportunity to change their color. The “yellow brick road” was initially a cool concept, but after a few months it turned out to be as downtrodden and sad as the students that shuffle across it. So let’s spice it up a bit. The bricks should be a less depressing color like red, or purple, or blue or even a Wall Street green. Even finance majors have more integrity than these bricks. At this point, even over-enthusiastic burnt orange paving would be an improvement. As our recent exploits with the University of Oklahoma prove, orange wears sadness better than any other color.
Horns Up: Notoriety
If we’re going to have terrible, perennial foot traffic, we might as well lean into it. Why not aim for being the most congested campus in the nation? If we applied ourselves, we could have the worst foot traffic in the Western hemisphere. We are Longhorns; it makes sense that we should travel in slow-moving herds.