Horns Up: Swipe right for chocolate
Valentine’s Day got you down? Made it through years of undergrad without finding a significant other? Tired of being ignored by everyone from Gregory Fenves to the albino squirrel? Wait another 24 hours, then turn this commercial holiday into an opportunity to find discounted chocolate at your local pharmacy! Being single is a blessing in disguise — you won’t even have to share it with anyone except for yourself. Even better, get together with your single friends and celebrate the freedom of not having to report your every move to a significant other.
And even if you’re not trying to abuse sugar alcohols to forget that you’re single, these deals can be for you too! Real friends and significant others that care know that a little extra chocolate weight doesn’t define you — and there’s always the Longhorn Run to fix that anyway.
Horns Up: Trump’s dank meme stash
Yesterday, President Donald Trump and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had their first meeting, contributing to a new outburst of memes and maybe some diplomacy too. If Trump’s presidency has brought anything positive, it’s definitely been the floodgates of meme-able and cringeworthy interactions opening, and since we’re desperate for cheap laughs these days, their awkward non-handshake more than counts. Lots of us more than went through this last Thanksgiving. If only we could have borrowed Canada’s holiday schedule and had Thanksgiving in October, before our uncles could openly gloat about winning the election. But we’ll take this.
Meanwhile, former President Barack Obama wins the internet while on vacation with a picture of him smiling wider than he has in eight years. What a great day to not be in office.
Horns Down: Beyoncé handed even more lemons
It’s been a long first few weeks of school. And after approaching record high temperatures several times this winter, it looks like our chances of having class snowed out are getting lower and lower. We were hoping that the Grammy’s would be, at the very least, a way to not think about politics and just enjoy ourselves.
We should have known better.
It’s not like Beyoncé lost Album of the Year to The Chainsmokers, but after watching her lose the award two years ago to an uninspiring Beck album that even critics didn’t like, Adele’s victory felt both morally wrong and entirely unavoidable.
But then again, these people made Kendrick Lamar perform with Imagine Dragons, then made us watch Macklemore and Ryan Lewis win four awards in categories he was nominated in during the 2014 award show. Then, two years later, he had to awkwardly hug Taylor Swift when 1989 beat To Pimp a Butterfly. We should be used to this, right?
At least Adele had the good sense to admit she was undeserving in a more sincere way than Macklemore’s Instagram post of a text to Kendrick. But all these years of gut punches won’t make the one we inevitably receive next year hurt any less.