 "Photo: Jennifer Soliz")
 "Photo: Jennifer Soliz")
Texans like everything big: trucks, boots, hats and beer. This Lone Star motto applies to all aspects of life, except one - underneath the blue jeans, where less is more.
When dealing with the small pieces of fabric commonly referred to as underwear, a person with farsighted vision or a modest disposition can easily become confused. With so much literally resting on the decision of what to wear under there, guidance is greatly needed.
This guide breaks down the different types of undergarments and illustrates the pros and cons of various styles and fabrics.
Women's Underwear
Before the 1900s, women's undergarments were more complicated than organic chemistry. Corsets, garters and chastity belts nipped, tucked, pulled, pinched and dead-bolted the total surface area from a woman's neck to her nether regions.
In the 20th century, even if a student's life is complicated, her underwear does not have to be. Women's underwear divides into three categories: briefs, boy shorts and thongs.
Briefs
High Cut: Students stigmatize these roomy undergarments as "granny panties." The waist band on this particular cut falls at least six inches above the waistline of any pair of low-rise jeans. Most control-styles of underwear come in high-cut briefs.
"I have this corset/tummy-slimmer thing that I love to wear on or under clothes," said Genevieve Wiley, a theater junior. "It makes me feel secure."
The fabric on the backside of a pair of high-cut briefs covers and supports 110 percent of all flesh, leaving no peeking cheek. A problem with this and other styles of briefs manifests in a visible panty line (or VPL) - an epidemic by which women in tight pants or skirts confirm to the entire world that they are wearing panties.
"You either wear thongs or nothing, because there is no excuse for VPL!" said Jennifer Burnett, an economics junior. "It is a fashion 'no-no.'"
Bikinis: This style of briefs models the clothing item after which it is named: bikini bottoms. The inseam drops about four inches below the high-cut pair, and a small percentage of one's bottom is left exposed.
"Bikini-cut briefs are comfortable and pragmatic," Burnett said, "especially for those who have not yet crossed over to thongs."
Low-rise: Like many students' GPAs, the amount of fabric used in this style diminishes as the years progress.
"Low-rise are crucial if a student wishes to attend class wearing pants, since most of today's pants are low-rise," Burnett said.
Many examples of these briefs appear to be small triangles of fabric tethered together with floss.
"They are comfortable, cheap, easy to fit and can be purchased in abundance at Target," Wiley said.
Boy Shorts
Traditional:
Traditional boy shorts cover the entire cheek area while decreasing VPL.
"They look hot and eliminate panty-line issues; however, boy shorts can ride up in horrible ways and are not [to my knowledge] made by Hanes," Wiley said.
Manufacturers cut boy shorts so the cut across both thighs is even with the lowest point on the inseam. Waistbands on boy shorts come in high, medium and low-rise styles.
French Cut: French cut panties masquerade as boy shorts from the front view, but the back holds a closer relation to the thong.
Thongs
Traditional: These pieces of engineering genius permanently solve VPL. A triangle of fabric in the front attaches to a wedge of fabric in the back, allowing a female to wear any and all fabrics without unattractive lines showing through.
"I wear thongs occasionally," Wiley said. "But I would rather wear no underwear than wear thongs. Thongs ride up and create a funny 'fat line' in my hips."
G-strings: While the traditional thong serves a practical role, G-strings play a more aesthetic role in the underwear family. The fabric in which underwear is made hints as to the underwear's purpose. While consumers generally buy briefs in comfortable cotton materials, G-strings come in silk, latex and fruit roll-up variations.
Men's Underwear
After men stopped wearing tights during the Renaissance, their underwear became relatively simple. The most complicated part of most men's underwear is opening the plastic packaging in which it is sold. Nonetheless, there are still three main variations in men's underwear:
Briefs
The male version of this style of underwear is very similar to the female. The main discerning feature lies in the convenient slit in the front.
"In addition to the support briefs offer, they won't bunch under jeans," said Andrew Stevens, a business junior.
Boxers
This underwear choice imparts little to no support for the wearer. Events such as jogging, soccer and competitive foosball should not be entered into while only wearing boxers.
"Boxers are great to relax in, because they are less constricting and cover more of the upper thigh, so you don't get any unexpected cold drafts," Stevens said.
Boxer Briefs
The genetically engineered species of boxer shorts rose to popularity because of their style, comfort and support.
"They are the best of both worlds - support and comfort," Stevens said. "My favorite item of unmentionables that I own is definitely my Rips drawstring square-cut boxer briefs - not too short and not too long."
Swings Both Ways (literally) Commando
A bare bottom may be the perfect solution for a hot, humid city like Austin. When a student is out of laundry detergent and tired of turning their Hanes inside out, "going commando" is the way to go.
"If I want to avoid panty lines, then I usually do it the old-fashion way," Wiley said.
Whether a student "does it the old fashion way" or still wears their Class of 2001 boxers from high school graduation, underwear is an unavoidable question. Boxers or Briefs? High-cut or low-rise? BVDs or Fredrick's of Hollywood? Cherry or Margarita flavored? Students at the University may one day confront these questions, but now they can make an informed decision ... cherry.
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