Blood, sweat and gears

By Zach Ernst

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Published: Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Updated: Friday, January 9, 2009

Bryant Haertlein

Mark Hays, owner and operator of Robosaurus, gives the mechanical beast a checkup before the show.

Bryant Haertlein

Another rusted sedan falls prey to Robosaurus, the car-crushing, fire-breathing robot that made an appearance at the Alamo Drafthouse on South Lamar Boulevard on Monday night. Hundreds of fans and moviegoers turned out to watch the performance, which the theater hosted to accompany the release of the film "Transformers."

Dawn Jones-Garcia

Cameron, 7-and-a-half, and his brother, Zachary, 6, check out the inside of a wrecked car before it becomes dinner for Robosaurus Monday night.

Photo gallery

Launch Photo Gallery

At the 2007 MTV Movie Awards, "Transformers" won an award called "Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet." It is the most hyped movie of the year, a truly interstellar epic like "Armageddon" and "Independence Day" before it. Let's break down "Transformers" into its critical components.

Director Michael Bay/Producer Steven Spielberg

Michael Bay is one of Hollywood's most divisive directors, and Steven Spielberg is maybe its most beloved.

Admittedly, Spielberg has been involved with critical bombs from time to time (see "Jurassic Park III," "Evolution"), but his stature in the industry is unparalleled. If anyone can make "Transformers" work, it is Spielberg. To Bay's credit, however, he is pretty awesome at making shit go boom.

Shia LaBeouf/ The rest of the cast

Spielberg has compared LaBeouf to a young Tom Hanks. He is a surprisingly strong actor, and he even made an appearance on "Freaks and Geeks" (super cred points). The ultimate Hollywood underdog, Shia LaBeouf is capable of bringing heart to a role that, according to the trailer, seems to require two emotions: being scared of robots while wearing a Strokes T-shirt and being attracted to Megan Fox while wearing a Strokes T-shirt.

Now to the rest of the cast. Josh Duhamel dates Fergie, and Tyrese Gibson used to sing or rap or something. Megan Fox is on the cover of Maxim and has a lot of tattoos. Sure, Optimus Prime carries a lot of weight on screen, but I'm not sure if LaBeouf can carry the human component of the film alone.

Special effects/Story

The trailer is amazing. The scorpion robot in the desert looks totally real. The big yellow robot in the backyard is totally funny. But this movie is nearly two-and-a-half hours long, and it is based on a line of toys by Hasbro. While superhero movies are almost always based on comic books (the sole exceptions being "Pluto Nash," "Sharkboy & Lavagirl" and "Blankman"), "Transformers" is based solely on a toy from the early 1990s that changes from car to robot and back again. Forgive me if I have a hard time thinking that a script about toys written by "Xena: Warrior Princess" and "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" alumni can be revelatory.

In all likelihood, "Transformers" will shatter box office records and become the hit of the summer. Spielberg is already attached to a sequel, and the Robosaurus car-eating performance at the Alamo was incredible. Maybe I'm being too hard. I should cut Bay a break, buy a large popcorn and root for the good guys. I just have a hard time with any film being powerful enough to intimidate John McClane into changing his release date.

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